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Slicer
PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 5:45 pm  Reply with quote
Museum Curator


Joined: 29 Jul 2006
Posts: 1467
Location: Central North Dakota, aka The Middle of Nowhere

(Feel free to republish this guide anywhere with a link to the original on Heelychat.com.)

Rule 1: Everyone else is secretly Helen Keller.

Blind and deaf, folks, blind and deaf. They cannot see you coming. They cannot hear you coming. They will not avoid you. They will shove shopping carts in your way, let their dog leashes cross the entire path and trip you, not even slow down their cars for you on a crosswalk, not respond to "excuse me" or "coming through", and generally be unpredictable. They will do these things not out of malice (there are a lot of retards on various forums claiming they'll trip kids on Heelys, but that's just Internet bravado- I've never heard of this actually happening), but rather because they are blind and deaf.

It doesn't matter whether the person is an average Joe,



a professional athlete,



or even a UT2004 lord with a reaction time clocked at a tenth of a second,



everyone else is Helen Keller.



(Note: This is also a good rule of thumb for driving in North Dakota.)

This rule is designed to counter the occasional perception that "Well, they can see me, and I'm moving fast, so they'll get out of my way." No! That's exactly backwards. Would you expect Helen Keller to get out of your way? You have to get out of their way, not because they're bigger than you are or because they have the right of way or anything like that, but rather because they can not and will not react to you.

This is also a good rule when determine the fault of a collision. "Well, he cut me off with his shopping cart, and.." No no no. Of course it's your fault, because the shopping cart you ran into was being pushed by- you guessed it!- Helen Keller.

There are exceptions, of course- I've had people take embarrassingly wide steps away from me when I was obviously moving around them by feet- but don't be fooled. No matter if nine people stap aside when you roll past, you should still assume the tenth one is going to be Helen Keller.

Even if you see someone else on Heelys in front of you, assume he's Helen Keller, too.

Rule 2: Everyone else is an ADHD preschooler, easily distracted by shiny objects.

This applies mostly in stores. Someone walking on the right side of the aisle might decide he wants something over on the left, and quickly dart over there without regard to what might be coming up behind him. Prepare for this. Figure out what his new path is going to be, and get away from it.



"But this is on a tile floor, can't they hear me coming?"

Ah, but you forgot Rule 1. Would you expect Helen Keller to hear you coming?

"But how can they be distracted by shiny objects if they're blind and deaf?"

Don't ask me. Somehow, both are true and there is no paradox.

Rule 3: Blind corners are just that.

There was once a geometry expert named Euclid.



Euclid, among other things, determined that the shortest distance between two points is a straight line. Therefore, logically, distance around a corner can be made shorter by taking the shortest path around it.

Forget Euclid.



Most corners are completely opaque, meaning you cannot see around them and anything might be on the other side. Maybe there's some old ladies walking three abreast. Maybe there's a pothole. Maybe there's a kid on Heelys who hasn't read this guide, because it hasn't been published in Braille. You don't know until it happens.



When in a store, Heel in the middle of the aisle, not at the sides. Usually there are a lot of other aisles criss-crossing your path, and Helen Keller might, at any moment, pop out of one of them with a shopping cart or a cellphone.



On the other hand, in a place such as a straight supermarket aisle with no corners and no one coming, feel free to go as fast as you please. Just be sure you can slow down near the end of it- Helen Keller might be just around the corner...

Rule 4: Stores and malls with "No Heelys" policies don't want your money.

Don't give it to them.

If a security guard or store employee tells you you can't use them where you are, don't make a scene. Just leave. If you have a shopping cart, leave it where it is. And then.. don't come back. Ever. Find somewhere else to make purchases, especially expensive ones. If your parents want to take you shopping, find another store to go to. The place no longer exists for you.

Generally, people making purchases won't be touched. I Heel when buying things at the grocery store. They're not going to say anything to me, because I spend more than a hundred bucks a month there. In the linoleum-floored mall where I live, I purchased a $300 digital camera from Sears, and have seen plenty of other people on Heelys. Due to location, that mall's already having financial difficulties; they can't be stupid enough to lose any customers.

Their store, your money.

(Rule 4 addendum for mall and store owners: Ban Heelys only if you want to cripple your own business.)

Rule 5: Keep your eyes in front of you.

When driving a car, it's important to look around regularly. Someone might be coming from behind way too fast, the guy in the next lane might want to get into yours or you might want to get into his, or maybe some drunk confused red with green and is about to plow into your side at ninety miles an hour.

On Heelys, in a pedestrian area, you are likely to be one of the fastest things there, in an environment where the split second spent looking behind you leads to Helen Keller getting in your way. Act accordingly.

There are, of course, logical exceptions to this rule: possibly runners on pathways, maybe cars coming from behind you if you're on the street, skateboarders, rollerbladers, etc. Keep your ears open, but the risk of being run into by one of them is much less than the risk of someone popping out unexpectedly, or running into a large crack you didn't see, or something else interfering with your path.

Rule 6: When possible, avoid crowds.

This should be common sense. Exactly how are you going to get started if there's a huge crowd of people (all of who, remember, are secretly Helen Keller) between you and your destination? You can't take a wide berth, because there's no wide berth to take- you can't go fast because two people with strollers stopped to talk in the middle of the aisle- you can't avoid anything because you don't know what any of them are going to do. Forget it.



Rule 7: Enjoy!

Smile

(The author of this guide wears Heelys in public regularly and has never run into anyone.)

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Laina_Heelz
PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 6:27 pm  Reply with quote



Joined: 28 Dec 2006
Posts: 532
Location: Philly, PA

haha slice you did it! you put alot of time into so people better use it! iknow i am! WTG slice!!!

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[Sat 17:51] Laina_Heelz: ht its gonna be nice here...should be nice there...though i live not in the same state
[Sat 17:51] HeelyTrickster:Laina that sounded like a poem

[Tue 0:42] HeelysBabe:Im just trying to kill the time
Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:Kill time??
[Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:Isn't wasting time bad enough?
[Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:You have to KILL it ?!

[Thu 14:50] Big Mac: i had crabs once
[Thu 14:50] Big Mac: they kept hurting me though
[Thu 15:18] seth1230™: big mac....crabs are like lice...but that live down there....instead of up there...

laina: ugh! my kitchen is getting done and theres like no food so guess what lunch is if my mom dont give me money......PENUT BUTT
laina: oops! lol
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GabbyHeelys
PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 6:43 pm  Reply with quote



Joined: 20 Feb 2007
Posts: 225

wow slice you actually made it...thats kinda funny

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crabwalk stalls grind jumpswitch 1 foot 180 180 360 720 ahh my fingers hurt now pro hop drop in bowl carve ALOT MORE im just too lazy rite now to type all of them
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seth1230™
PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 6:47 pm  Reply with quote
Heelys Encyclopedia


Joined: 19 Mar 2006
Posts: 2974
Location: Representing SouthEast

hehe helen Keller gotta love them.......so innocent..........

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H4L&&&&BiGMaC BE MAH BFFLEZ
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merlyn_DHC
PostPosted: Fri Mar 02, 2007 10:50 pm  Reply with quote
Team Heelys - Northeast


Joined: 15 Dec 2006
Posts: 1800

Clap Clap Clap Clap

Whistle

Clap Clap Clap Clap

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[Wed 7:53] Slicer: *looks at Merlyn's finger frenzy score*
[Wed 7:53] Slicer: *face screws up in a combination of amazement and a sort of horror*

[Fri 12:06] IVI4V3R1CK: hey Merlyn, if you don't mind me asking, whys your name yellow?
[Fri 12:07] merlyn_DHC: Because I'm Chinese
[Fri 12:08] merlyn_DHC: (isn't that obvious) ?
[Fri 12:08] IVI4V3R1CK: o.o... thats kinda wrong
[Fri 12:08] merlyn_DHC: HAHAHA

David: Hey RU there ?
H33LYcRaZeD: yeah
David: How things ?
H33LYcRaZeD: thongs arte good

Big Mac: to go to camp quality to give lessons and give away hoes
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sara48
PostPosted: Sat Mar 03, 2007 11:54 am  Reply with quote



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 533
Location: London, UK

WOW! that must have taken a long time, but it was definitely worth it.

Every time you mentioned Helen Keller I cracked up. Good job. Very Happy
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heelingforlyfe™
PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 10:34 pm  Reply with quote
Team Heelys - SoCal


Joined: 26 Dec 2006
Posts: -123845

Bahahahahahahahahhahahaha. And how long did it take to make this?

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Big Mac: to go to camp quality to give lessons and give away hoes

seth1230™: we be on our hoes all day.
seth1230™: i mean shoes.
DeezUU: I keep my shoes in check on the daily
DeezUU: gotta keep your gimphand strong!!

seth1230™: im on a boat and
HannahHeelz: it's going fast and
heelingforlyfe™: i've got a nautical themed, pashmina afghan

SEBASS IZ MAH BESFRANNNN.
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Slicer
PostPosted: Sun Mar 04, 2007 10:35 pm  Reply with quote
Museum Curator


Joined: 29 Jul 2006
Posts: 1467
Location: Central North Dakota, aka The Middle of Nowhere

A bit over two hours, including images. It was pure inspiration. This needs to be linked around a bit, particularly on forums where people don't like Heelers..

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Mongoosegirl
PostPosted: Mon Mar 05, 2007 11:12 pm  Reply with quote



Joined: 05 Feb 2007
Posts: 21
Location: Florida

genius slicer. pure genius.

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Rawr.
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parker=cool
PostPosted: Tue Mar 06, 2007 9:45 pm  Reply with quote



Joined: 13 Feb 2007
Posts: 221
Location: Austin, TX

that was funny.

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I could say somthing funny here, but I'm not going to.
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zestydumb
PostPosted: Sun Mar 11, 2007 2:18 am  Reply with quote



Joined: 08 Mar 2007
Posts: 9
Location: ~~~~~~~~~~~~

oh DARN.... i must have borke a few of those rules. still no embarassing accidents though. haha

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go wii!
I am presumably the worlds best 11 year old HEELIST!
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drummer
PostPosted: Thu Mar 15, 2007 1:37 pm  Reply with quote
Team Heelys Midwest / HT Vid Champion


Joined: 01 Feb 2007
Posts: 586
Location: STL

lol helen keller lol

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[Wed 18:00] Skate or Diez: can anybody tell me how to pump
[Wed 18:01] WIYH®: pump wat

[Wed 19:35] jmar8542: i want to challenge you
[Wed 19:36] XxHeelyZxX: lol jmar drum will pwn ur ass xD

[Tue 14:30] toby: im drummers brother

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heelingforlyfe™
PostPosted: Sat Mar 24, 2007 3:44 pm  Reply with quote
Team Heelys - SoCal


Joined: 26 Dec 2006
Posts: -123845

Slicer wrote:
A bit over two hours, including images. It was pure inspiration. This needs to be linked around a bit, particularly on forums where people don't like Heelers..

Now where's that Bible forum that was bagging on us...

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Big Mac: to go to camp quality to give lessons and give away hoes

seth1230™: we be on our hoes all day.
seth1230™: i mean shoes.
DeezUU: I keep my shoes in check on the daily
DeezUU: gotta keep your gimphand strong!!

seth1230™: im on a boat and
HannahHeelz: it's going fast and
heelingforlyfe™: i've got a nautical themed, pashmina afghan

SEBASS IZ MAH BESFRANNNN.
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sara48
PostPosted: Sun Mar 25, 2007 3:39 am  Reply with quote



Joined: 10 Jul 2006
Posts: 533
Location: London, UK

Quote:
Now where's that Bible forum that was bagging on us...

Good idea!!!
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EmmaHeelz
PostPosted: Mon Apr 09, 2007 12:48 pm  Reply with quote
Holiday/Special Occasion Banner Maker


Joined: 03 Feb 2007
Posts: 848
Location: Ohio

haha slice struck again. =]

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i gots me .43723e=mc238034 ghetto points
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