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Laina_Heelz
PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 8:56 pm  Reply with quote



Joined: 28 Dec 2006
Posts: 532
Location: Philly, PA

ok well the main characters name is Seth. Its only chapter one on his 6th birthday Razz and he got a skateboard (in the beginning he wants one....just guess what he wants later on Wink)

Sk8er Confussion
By: Laina F....
Seths 6th Birthday
CHAPTER 1


WOW a skateboard! Thanks mom, says Seth as he walks over to his mom to give her a big hug. Seth is a normal kid. He plays video games, enjoys his friends, and he enjoys watching cartoons on Saturday mornings. Seth has always wanted a skateboard, ever since his mom took him to see his first live Xgames. But his mom never got him one until now becasue she was nervous that a child his age will get hurt. But when younge Seth begged for one a promised to wear a helmet, his mom gave in.

Mom, lets go outside to try it out! said Seth as he was beginning to run out the door. Woah! wait a minute, said his mom as she grabbed his shirt, theres one more gift left. Seth breathed heavy but agreed to open the last gift before going out. He tore the paper off right away with no wait. Oh, Seth paused in dissappointment,a helmet thanks. Seth didnt want to say it in front of his mom but he didnt like the helmet at all. It was a bright red one, and he thought it made him look like a girl. He strapped it up and ran outside.

Mommy! by the time i turn 7, i wanna be a pro and be in the Xgames, when he said this...he fell.
Oh no! Seth are you alright!?! said his worried mom. Seth gave a little giggle and said, mom im fine, and he got back up. This process went on for hours until his mom finally told Seth its time for a bath then bed.

When Seth got into his room, he just couldnt sleep at all. He looked at his skateboard designed sheets and all his posters of differnt skaters and skateboards. So, Seth got out of his bed and snuck out of his bedroom, keeping a good eye out for his mom. He got his skateboard, and went back to his bedroom. Luckily Seth has a big room and its wood so he was able to skate. He skated and skated until 1AM when he finally fell asleep on the floor next to his skateboard

The next morning Seth woke up 6AM, ate breakfast, and ran to his driveway to practice. He began getting better ever minute. He could now go a few feet without loosing his balance. After 5 hours, he was able to stay balance for a long time, he got lots of speed, and he had control on where he wants to go. He called his mom out to see his improvment, she was so proud! She got pictures and video of him and sent them to his grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends.

It was getting late and Seth had school the next day. His mom kissed him goodnight and closed the light. Mom?, Seth said in a little kid whisper. His mom walked back in his room confused.Yes Seth, whats wrong? want the light on? He paused buy finally said something. Tomorrow at school were doing a show and tell. I ahve nothing to bring so can i bring my skaboard please? I will be carefull. And Ill even bring my helmet if my teacher allows me to ride at recess. His mom thought for a second but realized Seth was responsible for his age. Yes Seth, I will allow you to! now go to bed to wake up early! Seth screamed in joy, YES! THANKS MOM! Good night...and i love you! Good night! and I love you to Seth, said his mom as she shut the lights.

To Be Continued...

_________________
[Sat 17:51] Laina_Heelz: ht its gonna be nice here...should be nice there...though i live not in the same state
[Sat 17:51] HeelyTrickster:Laina that sounded like a poem

[Tue 0:42] HeelysBabe:Im just trying to kill the time
Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:Kill time??
[Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:Isn't wasting time bad enough?
[Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:You have to KILL it ?!

[Thu 14:50] Big Mac: i had crabs once
[Thu 14:50] Big Mac: they kept hurting me though
[Thu 15:18] seth1230™: big mac....crabs are like lice...but that live down there....instead of up there...

laina: ugh! my kitchen is getting done and theres like no food so guess what lunch is if my mom dont give me money......PENUT BUTT
laina: oops! lol
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XxHeelyZxX
PostPosted: Thu Jan 17, 2008 9:29 pm  Reply with quote
Heelys Maniac/Punmaster in Training


Joined: 09 Jun 2007
Posts: 577
Location: North East, The One and Only!

lol nice!

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seth1230™: lmfao i log in and i see HT say im a hooker xD
shifter1254: then i guess i want to hug hold hands and kiss HT
IVI4V3R1CK: alrighty guys, I'm out like the fat kid in dodgeball
01001001: yes...i'm a gay robot
HeelysBabe: -milks the cow-
Kain: @emma....*cough*nymph*cough*...
EmmaHeelz: that hamster is sexayyy
HeelysBabe: WAIT...YOUR A GIRL?!

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chicken4eve
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 3:22 am  Reply with quote



Joined: 06 Nov 2007
Posts: 192
Location: Wrexham, Wales, UK

awsumness can't wait 4 the next chapter

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[Sun 16:55] Slicer: I think that sums up Middle America right there
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Kain
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:13 am  Reply with quote



Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Posts: 1548
Location: Ohio

Good idea..........but if it's gonna be a whole story, try to make the chapters a little longer. Include more details about what's going on. Otherwise, it'll be too short.......like my stories.....^^;

_________________


"Passed away in silence
The flute from the realm unseen
Empties its heart
Making love to me
With its enchanting melody.
Light of Orion,
Shadow of Andromeda,
Call of the dancing Universe.
The labyrinth I must enter
Before thou can blame my soul
With an age of peace"

"Love me for who i am, love my soul...not the body it occupies, love my heart, not the desire it hides...and love me....for what i am..."

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IVI4V3R1CK
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 7:45 am  Reply with quote



Joined: 04 Dec 2007
Posts: 1067
Location: Colorado Springs, CO

Hey, I'm not trying to hit you hard core so PLEASE don not interpret it that way. I really like your writing, and It has a good start, but I would try to be a little more creative, and use a bit more colorful language. Maybe its how I'm reading it, but the sentences seem a little bit choppy. Instead of "When Seth got into his room, he just couldn't sleep at all" try "Sleep escaped Seth; the eventful evening had him wide awake, just staring at his brightly colored posters of all the skateboards and famous skaters that he looked up to". You know what I mean. I really like this story, and I think it can end up being an amazing story, but try to captivate your audience and let your voice be heard in this story! Also, don't be afraid to use the Thesoraus for new words! Good work though, I really like it.

Also, here's an idea. I wouldn't do like a Thread Spam for this, but keep us posted here chapter by chapter. I remember growing up there would always be a story in the paper, usually around a major holiday time, that would only be a few paragraphs a week for a couple months, and it really was kinda cool. -shrugs- either way, I'm really interested in seeing what happens next
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Kain
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 11:00 am  Reply with quote



Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Posts: 1548
Location: Ohio

IVI4V3R1CK wrote:
Hey, I'm not trying to hit you hard core so PLEASE don not interpret it that way. I really like your writing, and It has a good start, but I would try to be a little more creative, and use a bit more colorful language. Maybe its how I'm reading it, but the sentences seem a little bit choppy. Instead of "When Seth got into his room, he just couldn't sleep at all" try "Sleep escaped Seth; the eventful evening had him wide awake, just staring at his brightly colored posters of all the skateboards and famous skaters that he looked up to". You know what I mean. I really like this story, and I think it can end up being an amazing story, but try to captivate your audience and let your voice be heard in this story! Also, don't be afraid to use the Thesoraus for new words! Good work though, I really like it.

Also, here's an idea. I wouldn't do like a Thread Spam for this, but keep us posted here chapter by chapter. I remember growing up there would always be a story in the paper, usually around a major holiday time, that would only be a few paragraphs a week for a couple months, and it really was kinda cool. -shrugs- either way, I'm really interested in seeing what happens next


That's exactly what I meant....so....thanks for explaining, I'm lazy Razz Very Happy

_________________


"Passed away in silence
The flute from the realm unseen
Empties its heart
Making love to me
With its enchanting melody.
Light of Orion,
Shadow of Andromeda,
Call of the dancing Universe.
The labyrinth I must enter
Before thou can blame my soul
With an age of peace"

"Love me for who i am, love my soul...not the body it occupies, love my heart, not the desire it hides...and love me....for what i am..."

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IVI4V3R1CK
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 11:28 am  Reply with quote



Joined: 04 Dec 2007
Posts: 1067
Location: Colorado Springs, CO

glad I could support the growing problem of Americans and Laziness lol
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Laina_Heelz
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 2:12 pm  Reply with quote



Joined: 28 Dec 2006
Posts: 532
Location: Philly, PA

thanks mav, ill try that Very Happy

@kain: its just a lil thing im putting together, so chapters aint gonna be to to long. but ill try and extecnd them Very Happy

_________________
[Sat 17:51] Laina_Heelz: ht its gonna be nice here...should be nice there...though i live not in the same state
[Sat 17:51] HeelyTrickster:Laina that sounded like a poem

[Tue 0:42] HeelysBabe:Im just trying to kill the time
Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:Kill time??
[Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:Isn't wasting time bad enough?
[Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:You have to KILL it ?!

[Thu 14:50] Big Mac: i had crabs once
[Thu 14:50] Big Mac: they kept hurting me though
[Thu 15:18] seth1230™: big mac....crabs are like lice...but that live down there....instead of up there...

laina: ugh! my kitchen is getting done and theres like no food so guess what lunch is if my mom dont give me money......PENUT BUTT
laina: oops! lol
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Hidude28
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 6:05 pm  Reply with quote
Team Heelys


Joined: 17 Sep 2007
Posts: 764
Location: Representing Southwest

It better be continued fast or me> <you Very Happy


ME LIKEZ THE STORY

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and a sig

I LIKE EMOTES


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Laina_Heelz
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 9:53 pm  Reply with quote



Joined: 28 Dec 2006
Posts: 532
Location: Philly, PA

The Show and Tell
Chapter 2

BUZZZ!! went the loud annoying annoying skater alarm clock. Seth quickly and excitedly pressed the helmet button to quiet it down and got ready quickly. His mom walked in the room just as he was pulling his shirt down. Seth ge... wow your up and ready! Seth just smiled and replied with, mom can i skip breakfast? I want to get to school right away to show off my new skateboard. Seths mom quickly shook her finger back and forth. Nuh-uh-uh! If you want to be a skater then you need your energy. Breakfast is on the table. Seths face lit up at the sound that he didnt have to wait for it to be made. He gathered up his skateboard, helmet, and school bag and ran downstairs.

When he got downstairs he gobbled his bacon, eggs, and toast with extra butter down. He then went into his living room to put his blinking power ranger sneakers on and ran out to his car where his mom was waiting for him at. Every step he took the shoes blinked...and blinked...and blinked. It was bothering him that he had to skate that way. He put his seatbelt around him and stared at his shoes until he finally spoke up. Mom, i have a question. Can i get new shoes this weekend? They were at a red light so Seths mom stared at him in a confused gaze. But Seth, I just bought these for you. You picked them out and you loved them when we bought them. Seth rolled his eyes when his mom turned her head to drive. But mom, how am I supposed to skate in these shoes? Ever time I go push they blink and...and blink...and blink. Its distracting. The car stopped as she helped him get out of the red mini van. Seth, we will talk about it later. Right now you need to go to school and learn. She then walked him to the school doors, kissed him goodbye and drove off.

Seth is a pretty popular kid, hes 6 and is in 1st grade, everyoine thinks they are cute then!
When he walked in school everyone said hi to him and told him how cute he looked with his little skateboard and helmet.He just smiled and went to his classroom. He went to his cubby hole and said hi to his cubby hole buddy and best friend, Shawn. Shawn is a HUGE prankster. He is alway getting into trouble and likes to pull pranks on the kids, especially the girls!

Seth and Shawn did their secrete handshake and laughed. Shawn handed Seth a red cherry licked lollipop. Sorry i couldnt come to your party. I was punished. How was I supposed to know that if i put a worm in the girls hair they would yell and scream and get mad! Seth gave a short little laugh and handed the licked lollipop back to Seth. No its ok Shawn you keep it. Shawn took the lollipop, re-licked it, and put it in his pocket. I can use this later he said in an evil voice. Seth gave a little chuckle again then broke out into excitement. SHAWN I FORGETED TO TELL YOU!!! MY MOM GOT ME A SKATEBOARD!!! Shawn grabbed Seth shoulders and shooke him. DUUUDE!!! YOUR LIKE NOE THE MOST POPULAR KID IN THIS CLASS ROOM!!! Shawn said as he stopped making Seth dizzy. Seth shook his head and disagreed with Shawn. Nah! Im still a normal kid round here. Nothing is gonna change since i have a board. Really, everythings still normal.

RING!! The bell rang as all the 1st graders scattered to their seats. Seth couldnt think of anything except the show and tell. He had 2 people in front of him to show and tell. And Seth couldnt wait much longer. So he started daydreaming about everything he wants to learn on his skateboard. He was daydreaming and daydreaming until...Seth your, RING!!! Just when it was Seths turn to show off his new board, the recess bell rang. Im sorry Seth, said the teacher sad and sorry. You will have to go when recess is over! Seth couldnt speak. So he went to his cubby hold, got his skateboard and helmet and went outside.

Seth was having so much fun. He had on the 1st graders watching him. He felt so different and got a little shy but kept riding. After 10 minutes of riding an older kid, about 7th grade, who Seth did not know walked over. Hey little man! you have some cool skills!. My name is Arlon. How long ya been skating for? Seth stared in amazement that a kid tice his age was talking to him. he didnt know what to say but he finally replied with, hey im Seth. Ive only been skateing for 2 days. Arlon patted his back, said thats awsome and walked him over to his friends

When they got over there, Seth was amazed at everyone. They all had skateboards. And they all looked so professional. They looked like true sk8ers! Arlon stood behind Seth. Hey guys, meet our new team member! Seth shook his head in confussion and in shock. Arlon, what do you mean new member? I cant do anything on a board. Arlon smiled at Seth. See, Seth, you see all this gang I have going here? Well they are all sponsered skaters. My parents own a big skate company. And we sponser skaters and my dad said if I see any kid i think is good enough, they are sponsered! Seth was still confused. he didnt want to really decline ar accept. He had so many questions but on one popped out of his mouth. But, Im no good. I just learned 2 days ago and I can on do a basic ride qith speed and control. Arlon laughed. See Seth, this is where we come in at. You have dedication and my family company likes that in a person. If we think they will succeed, and go for it, they are in! RING!!! The bell rang as everyone began going inside. Dam...I mean Darn the bell. Seth, meet us back here tomorrow after 1st bell. Cya! And Arlon rode off.

As soon as Seth got into the class room he had to show and tell. He went to the front of the class completely inthused and still in shock from talking to Arlon and the other skaters. When he gave his presentaion everone was excited and interested in it. His was one the the best in the class. He passed around his skateboard. When he was done everyone cheered.

After school Seth was walking down the thinking of all the cool stuff that happened to him. BOO! Arlon ran up behind him and scared him. AHH!! ahaha! dude Arlon you totally just scared me! They laughed a bit and Arlon apologized. But Seth was cool with it. So Seth, instead of waiting today, why dont you come by Comlink Skatepark? Thats where we all meet at. If you can come we can teach you some stuff like some ground tricks and carveing. If you can come give me a call on my cell. My number is 111-222-3334. Arlon finally skated off when Seths mom picked him up. He buckled up and turned on the radio. Hey Seth how was school? She had hoped show and tell went well. WOW!! mom it went great. Show and tell went awsome and at lunch i met some new friends! Seth was so excited! And mom, they want me to meet them at Comlink Skatepark can we go please!?! his mom thought and she thought it was a bad idea at first. But he had his helmet so they didnt eaven stopped home. They went right to Comlink Skatepark!

TO BE CONTINUED...also if ur wonder where i got the word "Comlink Skatepark" well i was thinking of a competition(com) and i was staring at my d-link(link) Very Happy


Last edited by Laina_Heelz on Sat Jan 19, 2008 12:21 am; edited 1 time in total

_________________
[Sat 17:51] Laina_Heelz: ht its gonna be nice here...should be nice there...though i live not in the same state
[Sat 17:51] HeelyTrickster:Laina that sounded like a poem

[Tue 0:42] HeelysBabe:Im just trying to kill the time
Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:Kill time??
[Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:Isn't wasting time bad enough?
[Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:You have to KILL it ?!

[Thu 14:50] Big Mac: i had crabs once
[Thu 14:50] Big Mac: they kept hurting me though
[Thu 15:18] seth1230™: big mac....crabs are like lice...but that live down there....instead of up there...

laina: ugh! my kitchen is getting done and theres like no food so guess what lunch is if my mom dont give me money......PENUT BUTT
laina: oops! lol
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Kain
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 10:15 pm  Reply with quote



Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Posts: 1548
Location: Ohio

You're good, but here's a tip

focus less on what ppl are actually doing. Make the plot slow, draw it out as much as possible. And include things that describe the situation. Like when he went down to get breakfast, explain what it smelled like, what he saw, what he was thinking or feeling at the moment, etc...

_________________


"Passed away in silence
The flute from the realm unseen
Empties its heart
Making love to me
With its enchanting melody.
Light of Orion,
Shadow of Andromeda,
Call of the dancing Universe.
The labyrinth I must enter
Before thou can blame my soul
With an age of peace"

"Love me for who i am, love my soul...not the body it occupies, love my heart, not the desire it hides...and love me....for what i am..."

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H55
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 10:21 pm  Reply with quote
Guest





3rd chapter!!! i luv this story!!!
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XxHeelyZxX
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 10:51 pm  Reply with quote
Heelys Maniac/Punmaster in Training


Joined: 09 Jun 2007
Posts: 577
Location: North East, The One and Only!

NICE!

_________________
Slide 7106, Torch 9162, Switch 7219, Chill 7255, Ninja 7319
#3 Of PEAR Club
51,200 G.P.
Brian/Danny/H2/Emma are my Short Palz Very Happy

seth1230™: lmfao i log in and i see HT say im a hooker xD
shifter1254: then i guess i want to hug hold hands and kiss HT
IVI4V3R1CK: alrighty guys, I'm out like the fat kid in dodgeball
01001001: yes...i'm a gay robot
HeelysBabe: -milks the cow-
Kain: @emma....*cough*nymph*cough*...
EmmaHeelz: that hamster is sexayyy
HeelysBabe: WAIT...YOUR A GIRL?!

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Hidude28
PostPosted: Fri Jan 18, 2008 11:33 pm  Reply with quote
Team Heelys


Joined: 17 Sep 2007
Posts: 764
Location: Representing Southwest

WAH!!!!!! Crying or Very sad there isn't a "TO BE CONTINUED......" AT THE BOTTOM

Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad

_________________
I GOTZ ME 400,080 GHETTO POINTS
and a sig

I LIKE EMOTES


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Laina_Heelz
PostPosted: Sat Jan 19, 2008 12:11 am  Reply with quote



Joined: 28 Dec 2006
Posts: 532
Location: Philly, PA

hidude28 wrote:
WAH!!!!!! Crying or Very sad there isn't a "TO BE CONTINUED......" AT THE BOTTOM

Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad Crying or Very sad


lol dont worry just a typing mistake Wink its gonna be continued

_________________
[Sat 17:51] Laina_Heelz: ht its gonna be nice here...should be nice there...though i live not in the same state
[Sat 17:51] HeelyTrickster:Laina that sounded like a poem

[Tue 0:42] HeelysBabe:Im just trying to kill the time
Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:Kill time??
[Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:Isn't wasting time bad enough?
[Tue 0:43] merlyn_DHC:You have to KILL it ?!

[Thu 14:50] Big Mac: i had crabs once
[Thu 14:50] Big Mac: they kept hurting me though
[Thu 15:18] seth1230™: big mac....crabs are like lice...but that live down there....instead of up there...

laina: ugh! my kitchen is getting done and theres like no food so guess what lunch is if my mom dont give me money......PENUT BUTT
laina: oops! lol
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