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wiz
PostPosted: Wed Mar 09, 2011 8:52 pm  Reply with quote
Wiz-Meister


Joined: 04 Jan 2009
Posts: 391
Location: South Carolina

I just finished a paper for English that has to be turned in by Monday. It was a free-write topic for extra credit, and I decided to choose a more serious topic. I just want to know what you guys think and to see if you notice anything that needs to be changed. It is something I did experience, but the events were changed, if you know what I mean.

Problems

A few days ago I realized that life is tough for everyone at some point. This is not a new discovery, only one that I just took into account. Sometimes when you get mad at someone, or they aren’t doing something the way you wish they were, you have to realize that they are likely going through a difficulty in life.
I was running late for class; as I was hurrying through the halls and pushing my way through, something made me stop. I looked around and noticed all the students walking around me, all facing their own problems. While looking around, a song came into my head, which goes like this: “Give me your eyes for just one second, Give me your eyes so I can see.”
I looked to my left and there was a girl hurrying away from her locker. Her name was Faith. She had a smile on her face, but sorrow in her eyes. I gave her a sincere look and kept walking forward slowly. It turns out that her father had died a week ago, and she came to school to stay away from her heart-broken mother. Faith had to stay strong for her seven year old sister, who was rather scared over the shock in the family’s lives. Along with this, Faith’s grades were beginning to drop. The tension between keeping her family together and trying to keep her grades high enough were beginning to have a toll on Faith’s life.
I kept walking down the hall, wondering about how people could argue with each other, just adding to the stress. I saw a guy coming near me, to my right this time. His name was Dustin. He did not try to hide his feelings, as I saw a look of near misery in his face. I gave him the same look as I did Faith, only I softly touched his back as I walked by. It turns that his parents were divorcing, and he was caught in the middle. His father became a drug addict and would beat Dustin some nights. When he was with his mom she seemed to be getting sick, and, just a few days ago, was diagnosed with cancer. While he traveled between parents, his social life was slowly turning for worse. To keep his mind off of his home life, Dustin would go to his friend’s house to get away, but his “friend” would try and get his to smoke or drink. He did not know what else to do, and was getting to the point of running away from home to escape his dad, since he could not rely on his mom much longer. Dustin needed help.
I could see my class now, and I began to walk faster. I didn’t want to know what everyone’s problems were, although I could see it in their eyes. I looked down and my walk slowly grew into a small jog; the bell was going to ring soon. Yet I looked up, and saw another girl. Her name was Hailey. She looked happy, but I knew what was happening at her home. Both her parent’s were killed two weeks ago in a car wreck. She quickly moved in with her aunt wit her older brother. Her brother dropped out of school a week after the accident to help support his aunt. Hailey cried herself to sleep some nights, thinking of her parents.
I kept looking in people’s eyes as I walked past. While most people looked happy, I could see the sadness in some eyes. Right before I walked into class, there was one girl who stared at me as I walked past. Her name was Taylor. Things were going bad for Taylor, because while everything at home was fine, at school she was sincerely lonely. After not making cheerleading, all her old “friends” stopped talking to her. She felt like she didn’t fit in anywhere. She was ignored, betrayed, and broken. Almost no one seemed to care. I turned around and got her attention. “How are you?” I asked her. At first her reaction was surprised, then sincere. “I’m fine, thanks for asking.” And she walked off with a smile.
This is when I realized everyone goes through a time of complete trouble. Everyone faces the same life problems at one point in life. Everyone faces loneliness, denial, worry, sadness, and anger. Many people face divorces, betrayal, failing a class, being left in the dust. As I walked into class, I made a major life decision. I needed to reach out to those in need.

“Step out on a busy street
See a girl and our eyes meet
Does her best to smile at me
To hide what’s underneath
There’s a man just to her right
Black suit and a bright red tie
Too ashamed to tell his wife
He’s out of work, he’s buying time
All those people, going somewhere
Why have I never cared?”
-Brandon Heath

Could be better, and it was done quickly, but still, it's also 3 pages long, although you can't tell on here probably. Just wanted to know what you guys think, and post one of my quick stories.

Also for some reason it wouldn't let me put in the indents after paragraphs on here :/
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EmmaHeelz
PostPosted: Sat Mar 12, 2011 5:15 pm  Reply with quote
Holiday/Special Occasion Banner Maker


Joined: 03 Feb 2007
Posts: 848
Location: Ohio

i think its good, its a lot about peoples stories and not as much about the lesson.... but its still a great paper. you also have to remember that this is for EXTRA credit, so that means your guaranteed at LEAST some points.

i didnt check for grammatical errors, but none stuck out to me.

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